- Why do
gay people feel it's necessary to talk about their orientation?
loving gay people include warning them against homosexual sex?
do gays need "special rights?"
do homosexuals think their situation is worse than that of
homosexuals seduce children?
came out to me, and I don't know what to do.
also On Judging and Homosexuality
do gay people feel it's necessary to talk about their orientation?
Why can't they just keep quiet about it?
- One gay Christian man gave his reasons thus:
- 1. Coming out in the church will help others to see that gay
Christians are ordinary people who love Jesus as much as they do,
and it will enable them to be more kind and "enlightened"
in their relations with other gay people. It really hurts when the
people who sit beside me in the pew make rude remarks about
- 2. Young people who discover that they have a homosexual
orientation will have Christian role models. Right now the only role
models they have are the ones they see on TV and in gay parades. And
they hear the unkind comments about homosexuality at home, in the
church, and at school.
- 3. Not being able to talk about their struggles which are related
to their sexual orientation denies gay Christians the opportunity of
witnessing to the love and power of God in their own lives. And it
denies church members the opportunity of genuinely sympathizing and
'bearing one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.'
- 4. Gay Christians see life from a very different perspective, and
they can't talk about much what goes on in their minds without
giving away their orientation. It's a very lonely life, and it can
become especially irritating when well-meaning church
members try to match them up with a "nice man" or
"nice woman" of the opposite sex. Being open about
their orientation saves them a lot of frustration. [back]
- Shouldn't loving gay
people include warning them against homosexual sex?
- We appreciate your concern, but we believe that no one is going to
be saved by abstaining from homosexual sex. The
"warnings" given by well-meaning Christians too often
serve only to prevent gay people from responding to the Christ who
loves them with an infinite love. It is far better to demonstrate
the love of God in our own lives so that gay people may be able to
trust Him with all of their lives, including their sexuality. We
believe it is usually best to leave to God the conviction of what
they ought or ought not to do about their sexuality.
To counsel anyone about his/her sexual practices would
normally require a very close personal friendship. There may be
times to do this, but we would expect our readers to be very sure
that the close relationship exists and to respect the normal
courtesies of waiting till the other person brings up the subject of
his/her personal sexual practices. [back] [top]
- Why do gays need "special rights?"
- Gay people are frequently discriminated against in housing and
employment. These are not "special" but fundamental rights
that all citizens should be entitled to. In addition, "hate
crimes" against gays and lesbians have been increasing at an
alarming rate, and, in the past, punishment for these crimes was frequently less
severe than if they had been committed against heterosexuals.
Admittedly, agitation for "gay rights" sometimes goes beyond such
fundamental rights, and thus it sometimes causes a
back-lash from the straight population. As Adventist Christians, we
believe it is our duty to demonstrate love of gay people whenever we
can without getting involved in the politics on either site. [back]
Why do homosexuals
think their situation is worse than that of heterosexual singles?
- On first glance, the two situations would appear to be similar.
But they see this big difference: Heterosexuals can always hope to
meet that special someone with whom to share the rest of their lives
-- even at 70. Christian homosexuals are tempted to despair because
they see the future as one long lonely stretch, because if they
accept the biblical prohibition against same-gender sex, they can
never hope to meet their heart's desire. That's one of the subjects
that comes up frequently on our
list. However, our position is that God can and does work the
miracle of creating an attraction to one member of the
opposite sex to allow for a satisfying marriage. We have seen it
demonstrated in the gay-straight marriages we see. However, the
media are so full of the gay philosophy that a gay-straight marriage
is "a lie" and that it just doesn't work, that most homosexually
oriented Christians don't even consider the possibility. [back] [top]
Don't homosexuals seduce children?
- There's no real evidence that homosexuals seduce proportionately
more children than heterosexuals. Those who are sexually attracted
to children are called pedophiles, and they may appear to be
heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Gay people are normally attracted to
sexually mature people of the same gender. Pedophiles are attracted
to pre-puberty children of the same, the opposite, or either gender.
Pedophiles, who are most often male, may exhibit a preference for
boys, but that is not the same as a homosexual orientation. It
appears that most child sexual abuse is perpetrated by fathers,
stepfathers, mothers' boy friends, uncles, brothers, or close family
friends, almost all heterosexual. (See also the profile
of a child molester.) [back] [top]
- Recently a woman
we've known many years wrote to inform us that "after 20 years
of marriage we have come to terms with who we are. My husband has
defined himself as gay and we are living in separate places."In
my reply I wrote, "We respect your choice and continue to care about
both of you as the friends we have always been." Her reply was, "It
is not a choice, but a coming to terms with who we are." End of
communication. How do I relate to this?
- First of all, recognize that it took a lot of soul-searching
before your friends came out to you like that. It is likely that
your friend is offended by your words appearing to imply that a
homosexual orientation a "choice." If your last
communication was not too long ago, you could write back and
apologize for your poor choice of words in saying "I respect
your choice," and say that you hope that you can continue to be
friends. Unless the woman is also a lesbian, she is sticking up
fiercely for her mate. Gay people who have a history of struggling
with their sexuality are very touchy on
anyone suggesting that homosexuality is a choice. And one
cannot blame them.
If they are on email, continue to send them -- separately, if
necessary -- friendly messages and humor, just as you presumably
have been doing. If you could get together in person, it would be
really helpful. Don't be surprised if he looks very different than
you are used to seeing him. He might be out to shock you to see if
you will accept that version of him. He will most be likely be full
of his story -- wanting to tell it, after having kept it inside
himself for so long. All you need to do is to give him an opening,
show yourself sympathetic and be willing to listen. [back]
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