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 General Questions
 |Questions Gay Christians Ask  | Terms & Definitions
Questions Straight Christians Ask | Q&A on Judging |Words Can Never Hurt Me?

Why do gay people feel it's necessary to talk about their orientation?
Shouldn't loving gay people include warning them against homosexual sex? 
Why do gays need "special rights?" 
Why do homosexuals think their situation is worse than that of heterosexual singles?
Don't  homosexuals seduce children?
Friends came out to me, and I don't know what to do.

See also  On Judging and Homosexuality

Why do gay people feel it's necessary to talk about their orientation? Why can't they just keep quiet about it?
One gay Christian man gave his reasons thus: 
1. Coming out in the church will help others to see that gay Christians are ordinary people who love Jesus as much as they do, and it will enable them to be more kind and "enlightened" in their relations with other gay people. It really hurts when the people who sit beside me in the pew make rude remarks about homosexuals.

2. Young people who discover that they have a homosexual orientation will have Christian role models. Right now the only role models they have are the ones they see on TV and in gay parades. And they hear the unkind comments about homosexuality at home, in the church, and at school.

3. Not being able to talk about their struggles which are related to their sexual orientation denies gay Christians the opportunity of witnessing to the love and power of God in their own lives. And it denies church members the opportunity of genuinely sympathizing and 'bearing one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.'

4. Gay Christians see life from a very different perspective, and they can't talk about much what goes on in their minds without giving away their orientation. It's a very lonely life, and it can become especially irritating when well-meaning church members try to match them up with a "nice man" or "nice woman" of the opposite sex. Being open about their orientation saves them a lot of frustration. [back] [top]

Shouldn't loving gay people include warning them against homosexual sex? 
We appreciate your concern, but we believe that no one is going to be saved by abstaining from homosexual sex. The "warnings" given by well-meaning Christians too often serve only to prevent gay people from responding to the Christ who loves them with an infinite love. It is far better to demonstrate the love of God in our own lives so that gay people may be able to trust Him with all of their lives, including their sexuality. We believe it is usually best to leave to God the conviction of what they ought or ought not to do about their sexuality. 

To counsel anyone about his/her sexual practices would normally require a very close personal friendship. There may be times to do this, but we would expect our readers to be very sure that the close relationship exists and to respect the normal courtesies of waiting till the other person brings up the subject of his/her personal sexual practices. [back] [top]

Why do gays need "special rights?" 
Gay people are frequently discriminated against in housing and employment. These are not "special" but fundamental rights that all citizens should be entitled to. In addition, "hate crimes" against gays and lesbians have been increasing at an alarming rate, and, in the past, punishment for these crimes was frequently less severe than if they had been committed against heterosexuals. 

Admittedly, agitation for "gay rights" sometimes goes beyond such fundamental rights, and thus it sometimes causes a back-lash from the straight population. As Adventist Christians, we believe it is our duty to demonstrate love of gay people whenever we can without getting involved in the politics on either site. [back] [top]

Why do homosexuals think their situation is worse than that of heterosexual singles?
On first glance, the two situations would appear to be similar. But they see this big difference: Heterosexuals can always hope to meet that special someone with whom to share the rest of their lives -- even at 70. Christian  homosexuals are tempted to despair because they see the future as one long lonely stretch, because if they accept the biblical prohibition against same-gender sex, they can never hope to meet their heart's desire. That's one of the subjects that comes up frequently on our GLOWfriends list. However, our position is that God can and does work the miracle of creating an attraction to one member of the opposite sex to allow for a satisfying marriage. We have seen it demonstrated in the gay-straight marriages we see. However, the media are so full of the gay philosophy that a gay-straight marriage is "a lie" and that it just doesn't work, that most homosexually oriented Christians don't even consider the possibility. [back] [top]

Don't homosexuals seduce children?
There's no real evidence that homosexuals seduce proportionately more children than heterosexuals. Those who are sexually attracted to children are called pedophiles, and they may appear to be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Gay people are normally attracted to sexually mature people of the same gender. Pedophiles are attracted to pre-puberty children of the same, the opposite, or either gender. Pedophiles, who are most often male, may exhibit a preference for boys, but that is not the same as a homosexual orientation. It appears that most child sexual abuse is perpetrated by fathers, stepfathers, mothers' boy friends, uncles, brothers, or close family friends, almost all heterosexual. (See also the profile of a child molester.) [back] [top]
Recently a woman we've known many years wrote to inform us that "after 20 years of marriage we have come to terms with who we are. My husband has defined himself as gay and we are living in separate places."In my reply I wrote, "We respect your choice and continue to care about both of you as the friends we have always been." Her reply was, "It is not a choice, but a coming to terms with who we are." End of communication. How do I relate to this?
First of all, recognize that it took a lot of soul-searching before your friends came out to you like that. It is likely that your friend is offended by your words appearing to imply that a homosexual orientation a "choice." If your last communication was not too long ago, you could write back and apologize for your poor choice of words in saying "I respect your choice," and say that you hope that you can continue to be friends. Unless the woman is also a lesbian, she is sticking up fiercely for her mate. Gay people who have a history of struggling with their sexuality are very touchy on anyone suggesting that homosexuality is a choice. And one cannot blame them.

If they are on email, continue to send them -- separately, if necessary -- friendly messages and humor, just as you presumably have been doing. If you could get together in person, it would be really helpful. Don't be surprised if he looks very different than you are used to seeing him. He might be out to shock you to see if you will accept that version of him. He will most be likely be full of his story -- wanting to tell it, after having kept it inside himself for so long. All you need to do is to give him an opening, show yourself sympathetic and be willing to listen. [back] [top]

Back to top | More at  On Judging and Homosexuality

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Last modified 04 Oct 2009 02:45 PM